I grew up in a broken home. What happens to a child who grows up in a broken home is, they always feel like they caused all the problems they go through? They blame themselves for everything and the end result is, they give everyone power over them.
This affects their relationships with family and friends and they tolerate too much evil done to them until it gets to a point, they either learn from the ordeal or breakdown. I have been there. Thank God I didn’t break down, I only learnt a few lessons on how to stop giving people power over my thoughts, behaviors, and feelings and today I want to share these lessons with you.
Here are SEVEN strategies to take back your power and reduce the detrimental impact negative people have had on your life:
1. FIND OUT WHO GOD SAYS YOU ARE
The bible says in Hosea 4:6 that, my people perish because they lack’.
The biggest root cause of all worries, anxiety and stress is lack of studying the word of God and keeping that word in your heart. I thank God for my grandmother, who introduced me to God at a young age I never stopped praying and crying to God in my difficult moments growing up.
Through my prayers, I would hear the Holy Spirit affirm me every time a relative beat me up or accused me of a wrong doing or said an abusive and demeaning word about me. For example,
there is this one time, I was forced to carry a heavy basin of water and I nose bled for such a long time and all my aunty had to say was, I was a very lazy and weak girl. I felt so sad within me and cried to God that night after the nose bleeding stopped. Immediately, I heard the Holy Spirit tell me, ‘But you are still a kid, you will get stronger as you age, you are not weak. In fact, you are strong for your age’ and immediately I wept even more but this time, not with pain, but with the realization that, God knows who I am and what others say about me don’t matter.
I have also experienced this in my relationships but the faithful God never stops reminding me how beautifully and wonderfully made I am. He reminds me that I am worthy of Love and that I am not an orphan but a Child of the most High.
Friends, have you been struggling with the lies that people say about you in order to take advantage of you? Reach out for your bible, create time to pray, Let God introduce you to yourself.
People will tell you things about you which you end up believing are true about yourself but God says, He knew you when you were in your mother’s womb, He destined you for greatness. You are His, don’t you think it’s time to slow down on trying to fix what people think is wrong with you and believe what God says you are?
2. GUARD YOUR HEART
The bible says in Proverbs 4:23 that, above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Friends,Your Thoughts Control Your Actions. All good psychologists will tell you that. Someone once said, “Sow a thought, reap a deed. Sow a deed, reap a habit. Sow a habit, reap a character. Sow a character, reap a destiny.”
Before you can do a thing you have to think it. Your thoughts lead to attitudes; attitudes lead to actions; actions lead to those achievements. It all begins with the thought life. Your achievements will be the sum total of your thoughts.
This is so fundamental that God destroyed an entire civilization because they had “heart trouble.” Genesis 6:5 Says, “And God saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was evil continually before God”
God said, “The thoughts of their heart are so evil, I’m going to have to destroy them,” and He sent the flood because of the thoughts of men’s hearts. The heart of the human problem is the problem of the human heart. We’re still having the same problem they had. Do the follow questions give you pause for the condition of the heart?
- What lies do I believe about myself or the world around me, and how is that affecting my relationship with God?
- What sins or bad habits in my life are weighing me down from a higher moral conduct?
- What behaviors or habits do I know to be right, and yet avoid or ignore?
- Am I selfishly trying to find physical or emotional fulfillment through my relationships?
Let me tell you something wonderful. God made you where you can’t think two things at one time. So how do you keep from thinking what’s wrong? Just think what’s right. And if you’re thinking what’s right, you cannot be thinking what’s wrong.
It’s another way of saying, “Just load up on My Word. Get My Word into your heart.”
3. GUARD YOUR TIME
Negative people can monopolize your time – even when they’re not with you – if you’re not careful. It’s easy to spend two hours dreading a one-hour meeting with a negative person. Combine that with two hours of venting to a co-worker after the meeting, and you’ve just given that person five precious hours of your time.
Don’t allow negative people to steal your time and energy. Rather than complaining about people you don’t enjoy, choose to strike up conversations about pleasurable topics. Similarly, instead of spending your commute thinking about how much you dislike that person you have to work with, turn on the radio and listen to music that reduces your stress. Take back your power by limiting the amount of time you spend talking about, thinking about, and worrying about unpleasant people.
Remember, when you waste 1 hour on someone, you waste 1 hour of your life giving them your power.
4. CHOOSE YOUR ATTITUDE
My boyfriend keeps shouting this to me every time something negative is sliding into my heart. ‘Cynthia, choose your attitude!’. I credit this point to him.
Spending time with negative people can be the fastest way to ruin a good mood.
Their pessimistic outlooks and gloomy attitude can decrease our motivation and change the way we feel. But allowing a negative person to dictate your emotions gives them too much power in your life.
A colleague told me a very funny story: She had been telling me about the struggles they had in their marriage and then this one day she comes and tells me that, her husband told her that morning that she was pretty. You don’t want to see the joy on my face. Then she went on to give me the full statement. She said, he actually told her that she is pretty annoying but she decided to drop annoying and pick pretty. Lol.🤣🤣
Friends, make a conscious effort to choose your attitude. Create a mantra, such as, “I’m going to stay positive today despite the people around me,” and repeat it often to help you stay on track. Take a deep breath and decide that you’re going to make it a great day, despite what others say or do.
5. REFOCUS YOUR THOUGHTS
Negative people often influence what we think about.
Perhaps you’re so distracted by your colleague’s know-it-all attitude that you can’t contribute productively to the meeting. Or, rather than think about how to improve your performance, you spend more time thinking about how upset you’ll be if that unpleasant co-worker gets a promotion.
Pay attention to how your thoughts change when you’re faced with negative people. The more time you spend dreading, fretting, worrying, and rehashing, the less time you’ll have to devote to more productive things.
Make a conscious effort to reduce the amount of mental energy you expend on negative people.
6. CHOOSE TO BEHAVE PRODUCTIVELY
Negative people can bring out the worst in us if we’re not careful.
Sometimes certain pessimists seem to have the power to raise our blood pressure, for one reason or another. A normally calm, mild-mannered person may resort to yelling when he can’t take one more second of negativity. Or, after being surrounded by negative co-workers for hours, an optimist may find herself convincing others that the company’s future is doomed.
Although it can be tempting to say, “She makes me so mad,” blaming others for your conduct gives them more power.
When you act in a manner that isn’t consistent with your usual behavior, accept responsibility for it.
Commit to controlling your emotional reactivity and staying true to your values, despite your circumstances.
7. SEEK OUT POSITIVE PEOPLE
I know first-hand that It’s difficult to look on the bright side when you’re surrounded by negativity.
Seek out positive people to keep you balanced. Just like negative people can rub off on you, a positive person can brighten your spirit.
Identify the positive people in your life. Proactively schedule time with them on a regular basis. A quick lunch with a jovial colleague or a family gathering that’s guaranteed to be filled with laughter can help you stay on track.
Decide that you’re not going to allow negative people to determine how you think, feel, and behave.
TAKE BACK YOUR POWER AND FOCUS YOUR TIME AND ENERGY ON BECOMING YOUR BEST SELF.